I may be the dumbest human being alive. Know what I'm doing for Father's Day? No, I'm not spending a day at the pool surrounded by a doting family and a 6-pack waiting on final round coverage of the US Open which I get to watch by myself with a hot pizza. I'm taking my kids to Kings Island. It's going to be 90 degrees and humid on Sunday, and I'm going to be out in it all day with three boys aged 8, 6, and 4. My wife is going too, and this was her idea. (For all the unmarried or childless guys out there, you're not allowed to say no.) Around 2:00 on Sunday, think of me in line for Viking Fury, take a sip of cold beer, and hold up the bottle. I'll be the guy glaring at his wife and sweating like a Russian pig farmer.
Watching the final round of the US Open on father's day is a birthright. It's tradition. It's what every manly man does on the 3rd Sunday in June. I think in South Carolina, it's a law that wives and children must leave dad alone between the hours of 3:00 and 10:00PM. There should also be a law that women must take a class on "grill starting and operation" and "cheeseburger making." They should make sure there's cold beer in the refrigerator, chips in the cabinet, and frozen girl scout cookies in the freezer. And sexy time after dark should be a requirement and right of passage into the international cool wife club. But alas, this year, I will be foregoing my rights as a dad all in favor of spending the day at one of the top 8 hottest places on the face of the planet. And it was my wife's idea
What am I saying? Of course I'll enjoy being with my sons at King's Island. What dad wouldn't love a full day with his kids, roller coasters, ice cream, children laughing, Snoopy, and that pit in your stomach when a ride throws you in directions you dreamed about in high school? What dad wouldn't want to be there to see the smiles on his children's faces when they go to their first big amusement park; and maybe for their first motion sickness? A day like this is what DVR is for, and it was my wife's idea. She's terrific, and I know I'll get a cool new Tommy Bahama shirt or something. Maybe she'll even shave her legs?
For those who expected or maybe wanted a sports piece this week, I apologize. I just couldn't in good conscience do an NBA draft preview or somehow make fun of vuvuzelas (though I did see those are banned for Wimbledon, thank God) and the absolute joke Albert Haynesworth has become. I just felt like being a smartass for a while, then telling you how very lucky I am to have the greatest wife and kids on the planet; and I hope you're as lucky. Enjoy the US Open, cookouts, and all of the wonderful things that come with being a dad. I'll be at Kings Island having the time of my life. Happy father's day.
RT Brightman
1 comment:
I like the post. I did something similar, but mine lasted an entire week. I had to take my son and his Scout Troop to camp for the week. I was thinking it would be a nice vacation, but, no luck. I brought a hammock to hang, and got to lay in it for 20 minutes all week!!
Love the writing
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